Eyes of Love

What do you see when you look in the eyes of the Father? Are you avoiding His gaze? I’ve struggled most of my life with performance. My metric for success was often based on the praise and feedback of others, and a fear of failure could make me extremely avoidant in situations where I felt I’d failed.

This way of thinking has even leaked into my relationship with God. If I ever felt like I had failed him, I completely avoided his gaze. Even in my prayer and worship I avoided looking into His eyes. I’ve found it is entirely possible to go on in relationship with God this way, not really looking at Him, and not really wanting to be seen by Him. All the while scribbling notes in my journal or reading my daily scripture passage. It is easy to check the boxes for a lifeless relationship with our Lord.

I was in one such season recently; wasn’t performing well, was tired and behind on the mental checklist that ruled my life. More than that, I was exhausted from trying to hide myself from the God I was made to walk with. Like Adam and Eve, shame had led me to the bushes, covering myself from the loving and healing gaze of my Father.

In the midst of this season, while listening to worship songs in my house, I felt an invitation to intimacy with him. In reality he saw me the whole time, but in that moment I was finally willing to lift my head up and look into his gaze. I sensed God revealing to me that His eyes are filled with love for me (Eph. 3:18-19) and giving me faith to believe it. My feelings of failure melted in his presence. God hadn’t been standing with his arms folded waiting to scold me for not doing well enough, he just wanted me to live in freedom. The warmth of that moment sticks in my memory.

The most healing place in the universe is when my eyes are locked with Christ’s. I may use words like beloved, saint, chosen, or favored to describe the way God looks at me. Yet I think I don’t always let that soak in. It's not meant to be information stored in my brain, but rather life changing good news that shapes the way I live, worship and communicate with my God. Knowing that when I look to God and He makes “eye contact” with me, His eyes are filled with love.