My Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) was one of the most formative experiences of my seminary training. It taught me how to pay attention to what's truly important.

Let me explain…

Much of my training in CPE was focused on “paying attention to the story in the room.” We tried to leave ourselves and our presumptions at the hospital door in order  to listen well to the patient. My fellow chaplains and I quickly realized that this was not as easy as it seemed. I found it uncomfortable to enter a patient’s room, never knowing exactly what story I may uncover. I felt unprepared and thought that I would do a poor job at ministering to the patients. I constantly got  caught up in an inner dialogue about how this visit with a patient reflected on me as a chaplain. Can you relate? It’s awfully hard to listen to someone else when I’m locked in an inner battle with my thoughts.

As the weeks progressed I began to notice my inner chatter and unpack some of the fears with my professor. This was helpful no doubt, but the real change happened when I began to attend to Jesus, and take my chatter to him.

I learned that I can only pay attention to what’s important “in the room” when I pay attention to Jesus who secures me first.

I learned to say, “It’s okay not to be okay.” I practiced accepting  the reality that while I might not feel okay, and the patient’s situation might not be okay, Jesus was big enough to handle it all. Nothing was too messy or too desperate for Jesus to handle. He wasn’t surprised. He wasn’t stunned or silent. He was present. Present with me. Present with the patient. He was at work long before I arrived and long after I left.

Honestly, I am tearing up now as I write, thinking of this experience and the relief I felt. I didn’t need to be strong enough. I didn’t need to have the answers! I was held in the strong and tender embrace of my savior! And if that could be true for me, then it could be true for the patients I visited. The weight had slipped off my back and I was freed from my evaluative chatter to simply be present with the patient and listen to them.

I could pay attention to the things that mattered because I was secure. I was free to be curious, to appreciate, to wonder.

Friend, God is for you. Whatever situations you walk through, whatever chatter fills your head, Jesus is with you. Even if you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Jesus is beside you! Nothing can separate you from your savior! In the most important sense, you are safe. Go, be curious, appreciate, and wonder!