Sometimes I wake up in the morning with this overwhelming sense that everything is up in the air. “Sure, I got through yesterday, but today I’ve got to prove myself for real, and if I don’t...”   This is sort of a background litany of thoughts that make up my negative core narrative of “I’m not enough…I’ll always mess up.” Maybe you can relate.

This pressure is really amped up whenever I face stressful crossroads that require me to engage and make decisions. The result for me is often a horrible paralysis as I fearfully believe that I’ll mess things up no matter what decision I end up making. I’ve been in this situation enough to realize that running away to avoid the issue doesn’t actually solve anything. Additionally, attempting to abdicate my agency and let someone else take over just creates new problems.

This experience is akin to watching dark storm clouds gather on the horizon and begin to draw close and surround me. As the storm of uncertainty rolls in, the only thing that seems certain is that I’m not enough to deal with all this. And so I sit, waiting despondently for the clouds to swallow me up…

And then, abruptly, the stormy chaos is pierced by the sunlit truth, “it is finished!” Amidst the uncertainty, a shining beacon of perfect clarity bursts through! Yes, many things are up in the air, many decisions need to be made, but the most vital thing is secure. Jesus loves me, he forgives me, I belong to him, and I have nothing to prove to him.

My negative core narratives often have me believing that I am what I do, but Jesus tells me who I truly am. As I learn to accept my identity as a beloved child of God, the pressure around what I do and how I handle life dissipates. I still face uncertain situations and difficult decisions, but now I can move forward without feeling as though I am in danger.

Here’s the kicker:

“What shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Who is there to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died –more than that, who was raised– who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” Romans 8:31;34

Jesus didn’t bow out after winning my freedom on the cross. He is alive and active on my behalf, interceding for me as I face the present chaos that afflicts me. I am safe AND I have an almighty ally seeking my good! To answer Paul’s rhetorical question, I think I’ll say, “Amen! Lord, you are doing it! Thank you!”